0 In Notes From Elizabeth

When Love Drops Out

I composed a list of the ten things I want to tell myself whenever I lose my way. First on the list is “Commit to yourself. And if that feels beyond possible in the moment, commit to committing to yourself.”

It sounds so obvious. Yet in moments of disconnection, committing to myself can feel like a herculean task.

Some days I wake up heavy-hearted, for no particular reason. No major catastrophe, upset or heartbreak has triggered this heavy-heartedness. It’s here. Just like that. Hello, old friend.

Sometimes it takes me a while to come into full awareness of what is going on. But first, I can spend quite a bit of energy avoiding my experience while judging myself for feeling this way for “no good reason.”

Eventually I get there. At some point I recognize the fact that the love has simply dropped out. The self-judgment and escape are part of the same loveless package. In other words, they’re not here to help.

What’s been working for me lately is to ask this one question: …

“If love were here, what would it do?”

… and to wait for the answer to float to the surface.

“If love were here, what would it do?”

Water the garden.

“If love were here, what would it do?”

Fold the laundry.

“If love were here, what would it do?”

Take the dog for a walk.

Love likes to show up in the simple acts of care.

What else is there to do?

I water the garden. I fold the laundry. I take the dog for a walk.

And the next thing I know, love is here.

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