0 In Love, Loss & Healing

Six Reasons Why Feeling Unlucky In Love Keeps You Single

Woman unlucky in love and single sitting on a dock

Are you convinced that you’re unlucky in love? Do you feel doomed to be single forever?

We’ve all had times where our love lives feel like a complete failure, no matter how hard we try. We observe friends and acquaintances happily coupled, getting married, or going on romantic vacations together. And we’re left wondering if something is missing — if maybe we didn’t get that particular love gene or whatever it takes to be happy in love. We might be tempted to believe it’s just our fate to be unlucky in love and that we’ll be alone forever.  

But before you give up on love, I invite you to consider a different perspective on what feeling unlucky in love is all about and how it keeps you single. (I also share a few tips and resources to begin to make positive changes today.)

Because, most likely, it’s your belief that you’re unlucky in love that’s keeping you single more than anything else. Here’s why:

1 – When you believe you’re unlucky in love, you see yourself as a victim of life and circumstances.

When you believe that your love life is dependent on something as arbitrary as luck (or the lack thereof), you’re telling yourself that you have no power to create the experience you want.

You see yourself as a victim to outside forces, events, and circumstances. You believe that your efforts to go after what you want will fall short because you think that the forces of luck or fate are too great for you to surmount.

When you see yourself as a victim, you avoid taking responsibility for your experience. You miss the opportunity to explore yourself at a deep level and to discover how and why you may be blocking yourself from receiving the love you most desire.

If you perceive yourself as a victim of fate and misfortune, then you’ll likely continue to create the same experiences of disappointment and isolation over and over again. And, you’ll miss the opportunity for self-understanding and growth these experiences offer.

2 – You create your experience inside-out, not outside-in.

You create your reality inside-out. Whatever you are holding in your inner landscape (your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings) serves as the filter through which you manifest your world experience. 

The more you believe you’re unlucky in love, the more you’ll experience yourself as unlucky in love. On the flip side, the more you think that love comes to you with ease, the more love you’ll invite in your life. 

The universe is generous in this way. It says “yes” to whatever we choose to believe. I’m not talking about greeting card affirmations. I’m talking about the beliefs you hold deep within you that shape how you perceive and experience yourself and the world around you.

This is incredibly good news because it means that you have much more power to influence the course of your love life than you might have thought. Your beliefs are not set in stone. They are changeable. You can change them, and therefore change what you experience.

But if you believe that you are unlucky in love and doomed to be single forever, then that’s likely what you’ll create.

3 – You look everywhere for evidence that validates your story that you’re unlucky in love.

When you believe you’re unlucky in love, you walk through life looking for evidence that validates that narrative. And, the more you validate that narrative, the more you experience it. 

You’re so busy building, supporting, and sustaining a narrative that says you’re unlucky in love, that you miss all of the other evidence to the contrary. 

As author Wayne Dyer put it: “If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.”

Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life, so if you believe you’re unlucky in love and doomed to be single, then you’re reinforcing that potentiality.

4 – You push potential partners away.

As you’re looking for evidence to validate a narrative of being unlucky in love, you miss it when good fortune comes your way. You’re so convinced of being unlucky that you can’t trust a good thing when you see it. 

For example, you might dismiss the attention of someone who is genuinely good for you and interested in you. You might be overly critical, jaded, or look for flaws because you can’t accept that it might work out. You can’t imagine anything good happening because you’re convinced you’re unlucky in love. 

When you push potential suitors away, you get to validate the story that you are unlucky in love.

5 – When you believe you’re unlucky in love, you act out of desperation.

Or, instead of pushing potential suitors away, you may act out of desperation. You might start dating someone who doesn’t treat you well or can’t sustain a healthy relationship. But, because you believe you’re unlucky in love, you think you have to settle for less than what is good and right for you. 

Your fear of being alone may keep you in a dysfunctional relationship. You may override your own needs, not believing they can be met. Perhaps you ignore reg flags out of fear of losing the connection you do have, even if it’s sub-optimal. You might be needy, seeking validation from the other person, instead of genuinely connecting with them. 

When this happens, the relationship becomes unsustainable. And when it doesn’t work out, you get to validate the belief “I’m unlucky in love.”

6 – You act out of defeat.

Your response to your inner belief that you’re unlucky in love might be complete defeat. You’ve decided it’s not worth the effort, so you don’t even try. 

You might even pretend not to care at all when you do. Perhaps you decide to hook up, but don’t allow yourself to think about real love and connection.

Understandably, fear of rejection might lead you to wall yourself off entirely from any possibilities. Especially if you’ve convinced yourself that your love life is doomed. 

However, in the end, taking yourself out of the game leads to only one outcome — staying single. 

Begin Transforming Your Beliefs Today

No matter how long you’ve been telling yourself that you’re unlucky in love and doomed to stay single, you can change your narrative and change your experience.

To begin, start paying attention to your inner world — your self-talk, the way you interpret your past, and the stories you tell yourself about love and relationship. 

Ask yourself why? Where did these beliefs and narratives come from? Did you grow up in an environment where one or more of the adults had that belief? Or, did you have early painful experiences that would lead you to believe you are unlucky?

Would you be willing to give up that belief? Would you be ready to create something new, free of the past and old narratives? What perspective sounds more fun and life-giving to you?

Empower yourself to change your narrative and change your life!

If you’d like support in opening up to love, I offer a mini-course that is free. It takes you through the steps to become aware of and clear your limiting beliefs about love: How To Clear Limiting Beliefs About Love.

Or, join us for the Manifesting Love Course. Let 2021 be the year you create the love you most long for.

Manifesting Love is a 5-week course to open yourself to the love you know you’re here to create. You’ll clear limiting beliefs about love. You’ll break old unhelpful relationship patterns. And you’ll create a new template for soul-nourishing love. Whether you’re single or in relationship, this course is for you if you want to up-level your experience of love. Each week we’ll meet by zoom for a live group coaching session. Daily prompts and activities will support your ongoing learning. In addition, there’s a private community forum where we’ll share our experiences and support each other as we heal and grow together. We begin on January 12, 2021. All the details are over here. I hope you’ll join us!

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