Two decades of dating. You would have thought I might have learned my lesson.
I kept attracting men who were emotionally unavailable. In spite of all of my best intentions to create relationship where feelings were welcomed. Where there was safety to feel and express.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was operating out of a Love Story that said that most men can’t do emotions. Even though I *said* I wanted to be in relationship with a man who honored his emotional side, I continued to create relationships with men who retreated into stoicism when emotions began to stir.
The real issue was that I wasn’t actually aware I had this belief.
On the surface of things, I was clear and certain about what I wanted and what would work for me. I made declarations about the kind of man I wanted in my life. If I were a vision boarder, I’m sure I would have had “healthy emotional life” plastered all over it. Yet over and over again, I was left holding the emotional bag.
Why? Because lurking just beneath the surface of my conscious awareness was this belief that most men were limited emotionally. I had a Love Story that said that it was hard (impossible) to find a man who had a healthy relationship with emotions.
In other words, my Love Story was working against me.
Here’s what I mean…
Each of us has a Love Story. It’s the sum of our relationship to love and includes all the beliefs we have about love and relationship. It includes all the experiences we’ve had and the decisions we’ve made about love in response to those experiences. It includes what gets passed on to us from family and culture. And more. It’s the whole ball of wax.
The big problem is that for the most part, what’s in our Love Stories operates just below the surface of our awareness all while dictating what we create and how we experience what we create in the realm of love.
We can have all kinds of powerful intentions and commitments to change our experience. But when those elements of our Love Stories are allowed to lurk in the dark unaddressed, they continue to run the show. No matter how many new moon rituals or vision boards you create… wink, wink.
I got to a breaking point in my own life where I couldn’t allow myself to go on anymore. Not in the way I had done for decades. That’s when I began to look inside, at my own Love Story, and started to unearth a whole host of elements working against me. One of which was the belief that men can’t do emotions.
Once I became aware of the belief that men don’t do emotions, I was able to release it. It was a process, but so worth it. I began writing a new Love Story that included a man who was emotionally intelligent and available for true intimacy.
And then… he showed up. But it wasn’t until I had created the inner shift, in my own Love Story.
There’s a lot more to this story on Love Stories. For now, I wanted to give you a glimpse into the world of transformation that is possible when you embrace working with your own Love Story.
If this exploration calls to you. If you feel inspired to update or even rewrite your own Love Story. If you’re ready to consciously create your experience of love and relationship on your own terms, then I’d love to welcome you into our next class of Whole Hearts in Love that begins on April 22, 2019.
In this 3-week e-course (with weekly live coaching calls) you get to explore your own Love Story and update it so that it works for you, not against you. Whether you’re looking for relationship, or you’re in relationship and feel like things could be better, this course can help.
All the details are over here.
If you have questions or would like support, post in the comments below or send me a message. I’d love to hear from you!