When David and I were first together — back in the days when I was deeply entrenched in my old Love Story — I would sometimes have thoughts that he was looking at other women. Every time I had one of those thoughts, I’d get scared and begin to feel even worse.
We’d be out to dinner at a fancy restaurant and I’d scan the scene for other women I judged to be more attractive than me. I’d think, “he should be looking at her, not me.” It doesn’t really matter whether he was actually looking at these women or not.
In my own internal world, I was creating my own experience of rejection.
When we split up in early 2014, and I started to unpack my Love Story, I was dumbfounded to discover that I had created this experience of rejection over and over again in my relationships.
The elusive obvious!
In my three decades of dating, I think there was only one man who actually “cheated” on me. Yet – regardless of what was actually happening in my relationships – I created an inner experience of rejection.
(It’s actually amusing to think. All I needed was me to create my experience of rejection. How about that for self-sufficiency!)
As I traced this rejection pattern even further back, I saw how it was an experience seeded in childhood with my own family and peers. Though, it really doesn’t matter where the energy of rejection came from. The “who started it” question is almost always a distraction.
What matters is that I became aware of a belief about myself and rejection that was firmly rooted in my Love Story.
If I wanted to create a different experience of love, then I needed to release the rejection energy. I needed to re-write my Love Story to include something more affirming, like validation and an inner “yes.”
The process of healing my Love Story has been the absolute most rewarding journey I’ve ever embarked on. There were many moments of “a-ha and hallelujah,” when I discovered I could actually be free of limitations like rejection energy. And there have been moments of “holy hell how am I going to shift this one.”
Fortunately I have hung in there and have been able to transform my own relationship to love, so that I can create love from my own wholeness. After a year apart, David and I came back together and were able to create an entirely new experience from our own healing. We were married a year later, and have been thriving together ever since.
If this experience resonates with you, and you feel like you’ve got some energy you’d like to clear out of your Love Story, one way to begin working with the energy (whether it’s rejection, or disappointment, or “I can’t have what I want”), is to begin paying attention to your thoughts.
Whenever you notice a thought that validates the energy of rejection (or disappointment or “I can’t have what I want”), pause, take a breath and ask, “Is that true?”
Even if you get back “Yes, that’s true,” by the simple act of noticing, pausing and asking, you are beginning to loosen the hold of that energy. The more you do this, the more the energy will unravel, until one day, you just won’t believe it anymore.
And that is one of those “a-ha and hallelujah” moments to remember!
If you’re interested in learning more about your own Love Story, if you’d like to release aspects that limit your experience of yourself in relationship, if you want to re-write a new Love Story so you can thrive in love, then join us in the next Whole Hearts in Love e-course starting March 5, 2018.
Whole Hearts in Love is a 4-week e-course to transform our relationship to love. We’ll release old love paradigms based in lack and build a radically new world of love and relationship sourced in our own wholeness. We’ll gather together in community to connect and play, explore and discover, heal and grow. We’ll meet online and you’ll work in your own time and space.
- 4 weeks of daily lessons (that’s 20 lessons total) hosted on a super easy-to-use learning platform
- 4 live coaching calls
- a supportive online community of like-hearted others who are on a similar path as you and with whom you can connect and witness each others’ transformation
- lessons and activities based on my own study and personal experience, as well as my work with many others
- activities that generate play, fun and creativity while diving deep into personal exploration
- a safe space and full permission for you to show up as you are and to take your next step to create love and relationship from wholeness
- perspective that is grounded in your own empowerment and ability to create from your own truth
- a field of learning that offers motivation, inspiration, support, connection and accountability
- a clear process and structure for your learning path that invites ease and efficiency
- practical tools and the guidance to put them in motion
- plus, a free Bonus Lesson on Havingness and how to embody your true natural abundance
If you’re ready for deep healing and transformative mindfulness in your relationship to love, then come join us. I’d love to welcome you into the Whole Hearts in Love program.
In love and gratitude,